Remembering a friend

A buddy of mine passed away suddenly two weeks ago. Late night car crash and that was it. I got a call from another friend letting me know before the news broke and while I appreciated the heads up, something he said will stick with me “—- would have still considered you a good friend”. We hadn’t done more than text in 3-4 years.

I found a lot of solace in that. I think as friction costs decrease; we use that as an excuse to be lax with our effort when it comes to friendships. It’s the reason I make a point to drive all of my friends to the airport, which living in Denver is a hike. Because Uber is just a tap away, what kind of friend would I be to ship someone off for not my $40? This is something I think about.

My buddy was 25 when he passed, I know because his birthday is just a few weeks off of mine which is coming up. We were close in high school, kept up a bit in college and drifted after that but I always held him in high regard. I am happy to hear that that seems to have been mutual.

I sat down to write his family a note before the funeral and was struggling with what to say. I don’t know how you approach such a situation and hope I never have to again though that is likely in vain. One thing that stuck with me is how poor my handwriting was. It’s a little thing, but what parent wants to receive a note in memory of their son in barely legible chicken scratch? I know mine wouldn’t. Since I scratched out that letter, I have been writing the Gettysburg Address once a day in an effort to clean that up.

Something I remember is that my friend had great handwriting, it’s a trait I admire in many of my friends and something I lack. The first few days were annoying, it felt like a chore but increasingly I have found it’s a moment out of the day I get to remember my friend. That is increasingly one of my favorite moments of the day.

Legacy is popular topic these days. For most of us when we check out only those who knew us in life will have any real memories. Seriously, tell me something about your dads’ grandfather, most of us can’t. Perhaps some is shared with their children but by the time their kids have passed on you’ll be a footnote in someone’s lineage. I doubt my friend would be concerned with his legacy. But over the past two weeks every time I sit down to write I remember him. And as I scratch out gym plans, notes, and calendar updates for myself I see a bit of him in my improving handwriting.

It may not be much but that feels like the sort of legacy someone would want to leave on the world. Inspiring their friends to be a bit better than they were. I’ll miss Sai but the world is a much better place for having had him be a part of it for 25 years.